Advice Grads Never Ask For

Hey you Dolphins, Class of ’02! The ink is still wet on that freshly minted diploma, the lei you wore with your cap and gown is still fragrant, and you are on the verge of –the real world. Not the TV show “The Real World” but the real real world. So what are you going to do about it? Maybe college is in your future, or work, or just some nice sets and a few rays down at Doheny. It’s the question you are thoroughly sick of by commencement: So what are your plans exactly, hotshot senior?
Those of us who have lived long enough to see a reunion or two are back here watching you, loving you, holding our breath with hope and trepidation, aching for your rousing success. Can you do it? Yes, you can. But before you take that quantum leap into vast unknown, a word of advice—or a whole column:
1. Aim for the stars! So you want fame, fortune, and your own reality TV show? Excellent choice. Simply use your God-given talent, ambition, intelligence, and hard work and you will find your star, although it may be in a different galaxy than you first plotted. So buckle up, buckle down and enjoy the journey.
2. Failure is your friend. Get to know it intimately, at least once. But fail because you tried every stinkin’ way to make something work, not because you didn’t try at all. Experience a few fabulous, flamboyant failures. They will be invaluable prep for success as well as the stuff of fond memories and great stories when you are old, gray…and 45.
3. Speaking of old, you want to be in this for the long haul, so pace yourself. Envision yourself as the Timex that keeps on ticking, the thumping Energizer bunny, the million miles Mercedes. So you don’t have to cram in every adventure and double every dare today. Trust me, there really will be time for everything, so leave a few things to look forward to.
4. Like Babies. Infants are way too fun to waste on someone who isn’t up to the 24/7 commitment. And if you already know more than you ever thought you would about Huggies and the Wiggles, then now is the time to shoulder the responsibility and put parenting first. That means fathers, too. If this doesn’t apply to you, then party on…
5. And see the world while you are at it or at least some part of it that thinks oranges and strawberries are exotic fruits. You may not like what you see in other people and places, and they may not think much of you, but you will be forever changed by the experience. If you are lucky, the curtain of race, religion, and nationality may drop to give you a glimpse of the humanity that binds us.
6. If you are brave enough, turn off the TV. Commit to your own authentic experience. Dare to feel soaring joy and ripping pain. It means you are alive. Resist the temptation to dull it, alter it, or enhance it with drugs or alcohol…
7. Because you pay for everything in life. There are no freebies. Your body will remember for decades what your mind shrugged off yesterday. Don’t rely on the miracle of modern medicine to put you back together again. It may not happen in your lifetime.
8. Another thing. Wear clean underwear. Not because you might be in a car accident. Unfortunately, with these new low-slung jeans you all have on, the rest of us have to look at your drawers.
9. Respect is something that’s earned, not given. Reputation is something that’s easy to maintain, hard to repair. Notoriety is not only fleeting; it’s unsatisfying. So make your mark in this world in a way that allows you to sleep peacefully.
10. Be thankful. Thank a teacher who helped you get to this exalted place, and do it in writing. (Use a spellchecker so you both look good.) Thank your parents and then thank them again by making them proud of the fine young adult you have become. Be thankful for what you have instead of whining about what you want. Be thankful you are smart enough to have learned at a young age that life is not fair and blame gets you nowhere. Thank God you live in a country so rich in opportunity for a member of the Dana Hills High School Class of 2002.