Car Geeks Are Taking Over

One of the most endearing qualities of Dana Point is our willingness to duke it out over so many issues. Hotbed words used to be limited to sex, politics, and religion. Not anymore, at least not here. If you want to be in the cross hairs, just whisper “time share” or “mobile home park” or even “cars.”

That’s right. Wheels, baby.

You are probably thinking I’m going to start talking about the proposed car museum/dealership. You’d be right. But I have nothing to say about the size of the building, the zoning, the effect on town center ambiance and all that stuff that usually makes us spit and roll up our sleeves.

Nope, I want to talk about car geeks. Excuse me, auto enthusiasts. Because that’s what cars, especially old cars, rare cars, fast cars, and famous cars attract, and we need to be prepared.

No, not in Dana Point, you protest. That would never happen. We are a surf town. But it has already started. And I’m not talking about the annual Woody show down at Doheny. Nope, the car geeks are congregating at Gelson’s on Saturday mornings. Check it out for yourself. Although car geeks often blend in with the rest of the population, they are not hard to spot if you know what to look for:

Car geeks have extremely clean cars which they wash themselves. They will tell you car washes will scratch the paint with their harsh brushes, but the truth is this is a weekly opportunity to run their hands and very soft cloths all over the car’s body. It’s a love thing, I presume. These guys--and yes, they are almost always guys—protect their cars with car covers…in the garage and protect their mats with more car mats. Go figure.

If you are going to have any kind of relationship with a car geek, you’d better know the rules up front. There are always a lot of them and that certain moral zeal behind the words can be quite frightening. Rule # 1 is no eating in the shrine, I mean car. Ever. Even if you are really, really hungry. And don’t ask why they park at the far side of every parking lot. Door dings, dingdong. The upside is these guys will never door-ding you, even if you drive an AMC Pacer. I’ll have to save the other 998 rules for later.

Check for glassy eyes and open mouths usually immediately following the raising of a shiny hood. The geeks flock closer, admiring the pure animal magnetism of a really big engine. Voices are hushed and reverent. On special occasions, they will start the engine and the roaring, rumbling symphony begins. Rule of thumb: LOUD, dude. A few well-placed revs and a peel-out is always a nice finishing touch.

The true enthusiast is never far from his polishing rag. Pesky fingerprints leave an oily residue that mars the pristine depth of a showroom quality paint job. If his car has ever been mentioned in a publication, even if it is Car Trader, you can be sure a copy is in the glovebox. Like I said, the guy is a geek.

At the same time, the auto enthusiast is very much a snob. His head is filled with obscure and useless data not unlike a sports nut. He can tell at a glance if those are the right tires, if the side mirrors are stock, and don’t ever try to slide a kit car past him with real tags. He will sneer in contempt.

So all Corvettes are alike? No difference between a ’57 and a ’58. HA! Count the headlights, friend. A 70 Mustang is pure muscle while a 74 is just a wannabe. Look to surfers for the next hot car. Brady Bunch station wagons like the Country Squire is one pick for the next cool ride.

The important thing to remember about car geeks is they can never have enough interesting cars, either in their garage or in their town. A 3500 square foot garage attached to a 900 square foot is frankly appealing.

Car rallies at Gelson’s. Brilliant. Concours at Heritage Park? Even better. If Long Beach can put on a Grand Prix, then who’s to say Formula 1 won’t work in Dana Point? Or turn the Del Prado/ PCH split into an oval track and call it the DP 500. The possibilities are endless.

So if we all turn into car geeks, don’t say I didn’t warn you.